Test at Level 2

Please correct and feedback on this letter of amends. You can copy this into a word document to work on.

Dear Monica,

Iʼm sorry that you think I wasnʼt a good mother. I really tried to be the best one that I could and given what I grew up with, always felt like I did a pretty good job. It was very hard raising you as a single mother with very little money and no support from your father. I guess I should have tried harder. Iʼm not saying that I was always the most patient person in the world, but I did try and I did love you and hopefully that counts for something.”

Questions

What should be in a good letter of amends?

What are some of the main reasons why letters of amends can be so important?

What are the some of the most common beliefs that interfere with making amends?

What are the most common mistakes in writing letters of amends?

How do I know when to stop trying to make amends?

Please correct this letter of grievance. You can copy this into a word doc to work on.

Dear Dad,

I’m writing today because I really don’t know how to have a relationship with you anymore. I don’t know what to do with the anger you have toward me. Hearing you repeat, once again, all the horrible things you think about me during our Christmas Dinner was painful and humiliating.

I know, as you’ve told me before, you don’t really care about my feelings. I've been listening to you for so many years as you have raged at me about things I’ve done imperfectly, and told me I’m not good enough.  I’ve tried not to defend myself because, as I always hoped you’d be able to move beyond your apparent hatred toward me and understand that I am an imperfect human being striving for happiness as best I can. I have a career in fashion, a girlfriend. I know I used to have a drug problem at college, but I fixed myself up and got to rehab, and I'm proud of that journey.  

How is it that I have so many friends and other family members who love me and care about me and want me in their lives as my authentic true self, yet you can't get behind me?  It doesn’t make sense to me, and you are abusing me with this lack of acceptance of who I am.

While I continue to try to act in a way that is more acceptable to you, it seems I can’t or won't ever meet your expectations. How can I have this kind of negative energy in my life periodically from someone that should, really, be my biggest cheerleader? At the very least I need you to act as a friend. You are ruining my wellbeing and I don't know you'll ever see or understand that. You're just too self-involved, concerned so greatly with what others think of you, and I feel you are deeply narcissistic. You can't see anyone but yourself.

How can you treat your son so critically and expect me to stay in your life? Answer me that.   

Questions:

What should be in a good letter of grievance?

What are some of the main reasons why letters of grievance can be so important?

What are the most common mistakes in writing letters of grievance?

How do you know when to stop trying to improve the relationship?

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